Building Bridges
A few years back, I identified my relationship with my daughter as an area that had the potential to greatly improve my life. At the time, I was devoting excessive energy to her via worry and stress. She was always in my mind, even when I was away from her.
How can we reduce the impact of our not-helpful obsessions within our minds?
I use two techniques:
Be kind and generous to as many people as possible - lots of tiny actions
Express the same habit, directly, to the person with whom I want to improve my relationship
Now, it's important to bear in mind that it only takes one person to torpedo a relationship. So I might not be successful.
That's OK - "success" isn't my goal.
If the goal isn't "success" then what is it?
Take a minute and consider what your words to your children indicate about your definition of success.
When I'm stressed, my words might indicate a desire for compliance, quiet and solitude. Is that what my family really needs?
Those same desires can be satisfied via personal, internal serenity within whatever relationship I have with people.
What's this have to do with the "one-on-one" trip?
Taking the toughest member of the family on a road trip was a way to "step up" within my household. I've been taking my oldest on the road since she could walk.
My young children have a simple agenda with me..."do stuff with Dad."
It's simple, but not easy.
It's not easy because "dad" has a preference for strong coffee and exercising uphill. I also like to be left alone to read, write and think.
To do fatherhood "right." I have to make the commitment to be with my child, on the child's terms.
A habit of service spills over into other aspects of my life, for example my marriage.
Just me and the child
Focus on doing things the kid likes
Never more than three nights away
If the kid is awake then my agenda is put to one side
Truth be told, the trips started as a way to get my Alpha Child out of the house. The fact that I ended up with better relationships with everyone was an unexpected bonus from seven years of sticking with it.