Sleep, exercise, kindness and childcare are the foundation of my marriage.
Here's what works for us...
Optimize so every member of our family sleeps well
Train someone to put our kids to sleep so Mom & Dad's nervous system get a scheduled 24-hour reset on our weekly date night(s)
Exercise the kids
Use the same routine -- save energy for managing inevitable surprises
As a couple, the payoff is huge... more sex (!), better moods, less bickering, better body composition, more energy, better cognition...
If you're looking for romance then start by improving everyone's sleep.
Saying "no" to sleep deprivation is a difficult -- you might need to say "no" to pets, friends, family, extracurricular activities.
We have a family sleep system.
Our kids (4, 5 and 8) nap on all non-school days. The minimum acceptable nap is 60-minutes alone in a dark, cool room.
Routine
Separate Rooms
Blackout Shades
The nap gives everyone an emotional reset and splits the day in half. Often, we need a fresh start!
Sleep is non-negotiable. Obviously, we can't force the kids to fall asleep but we can exercise them, model the desired behavior and insist on their staying in bed without electronics.
We have colored digital clocks and everyone knows to stay in their rooms until the "Green Seven."
Once again, consider the opposite of the bullets (above). If that sounds like your household then you have tremendous upside!